Well one things for sure ur not an idiot and you’re probably dealing with a lil problem and should seek some professional guidance at some point soon before it becomes too severe.
Don’t worry ur not alone many people struggle with issues like that in life as have a couple of my friends.
U kno getting help is one of the bravest things to do and some people don’t even think to do that and they end up in an awful place or worse, I can speak from experience. It’s gonna b ok 🙂